I read this article this morning as it scrolled past on my facebook feed. It hit a sore spot with me and I had to write. Anyway here is the article and then the quote that started all this introspection.
Steven Pressfield sums it up well in his groundbreaking work, The War of Art:
“Self doubt can be an ally. This is because it serves as an indicator of aspiration. It reflects love, love of something we dream of doing, and desire, desire to do it. If you find yourself asking yourself, “Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?” chances are you are. The Counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death.”
Are you doing your own thing or copying someone else’s work? Are you wondering if you are following the beat of your own drum or a rehash of yet another whatzit? I do ask myself these questions over and over again as I sew mundane things like cup cozies, baby bibs and crochet blankets.
What I truly want to do or wish to do is the very thing I am most afraid to do. I like sewing the baby bibs and cup cozies, but my heart is truly in design work. My heart lies deepest in working with colors, fibers and creating. I struggle to write patterns and do design work simply because the work proceeds from my fingers without much thought. It is relatively unconscious and simply flows through the arm and out of the hook. It is intuitive, and one of a kind. How can you create patterns of one of a kind creations?
I guess I will need to figure that out in the coming months. After the last three months of recuperation from surgery I am very aware of the limitations of my body. I know that my hands are not capable of crocheting more than 1 custom adult sized blanket a month. Which makes at the very most only 12 blankets a year. How can a business be sustained on 12 blankets a year? That is the question that keeps me awake at night.
Do you have any suggestions or comments?
talk to you later,
I do have to say that this has nothing to do with 9/11 nor is it in any way to take away from losses and grief that we as a Nation are feeling today.